Posted by: Gomzy | December 17, 2006

tech-related oneliners

Source: Digit Forum

  1. A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
  2. The nice thing about Windows – it does not just crash; it actually displays a dialogue box and lets you press OK first.
  3. Error : Press any key except.. no, No, NO NOT THAT ONE!
  4. Any system or program, however complicated, when looked at in exactly the right way will become even more complicated.
  5. To err is human, but to really screw things up requires a computer.
  6. Bad command or filename. Go stand in the corner.
  7. C code. C code run. Run, code, run! PLEASE!
  8. Programmer: An ingenious device that converts caffeine into code.
  9. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
  10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.
  11. How do I set my laser printer on stun?
  12. — If you cut here, you’ll probably destroy your monitor —
  13. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
  14. Do files get embarrassed when they’re unzipped?
  15. My life needs a rewind/erase button.
  16. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Let the machine get it.
  17. A life… cool.. where can I download one of those?
  18. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
  19. After months of training, when you finally understand all of a programs commands, the new revised edition arrives with a new command structure.
  20. /earth: file system full.
  21. Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
  22. Artificial Intelligence: The art of making real computers act like the ones in movies.
  23. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
  24. Lisp in action is like a finely choreographed ballet. Basic in action is like a waltz of drugged elephants. C in action is like a sword dance on a freshly waxed floor.
  25. Error 7.0b1 – The item could not be deleted because it was missing.
  26. There are two major products to come out of Berkley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence.
  27. There are two ways to construct a software design. Make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies; or make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
  28. UNIX: when you can’t afford the very best.
  29. A fail-safe circuit will destroy all other circuits.
  30. The important things are always simple.
  31. The simple things are always hard.
  32. Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.
  33. Computers will never replace books. You can’t stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.
  34. The world will end in five minutes. Please log out.
  35. WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue.
  36. COFFEE.EXE is missing. Insert cup and press any key.
  37. Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though.
  38. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
  39. Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
  40. General Failure’s Fault. Not Yours.
  41. Hit any user to continue.
  42. Scandisk is now checking your hard drive. You can start praying.
  43. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
  44. Cannot find REALITY.SYS…Universe halted.
  45. Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
  46. If you can’t beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
  47. Why can’t DOS ever say “Excellent command or filename”?
  48. A picture may be worth a thousand words but it uses up a thousand times more memory!
  49. Robots will be able to buy happiness, but in condensed chip form.

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